@TheTweetOfGod: The Bible is 100% accurate. Especially when thrown at close range.
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@realHamOnWry: That crazy moment when you smell roast pork, but realize your heated car seat is set too high.
@hippieswordfish: [1st date] *stuffing face* sorry i eat a lot when im nervous 'u know ur eating a candle right?' yah *points to napkin* u gonna finish that
@TheDairylandDon: Where do avocados come from? Uh, well, when a crocodile loves a pear very much...