@TheTweetOfGod: "The Bible" running on the History Channel is like "Dragons" running on Animal Planet.
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@Duke1173: *moonwalks into office* *draws dual finger guns* *fires off seven shots at Annie from HR* *holsters guns* *gets chosen for random drug test*
@wittwitbarista: Serial killers are updating their check list now for dumping bodies: 1) will this location be discovered by Pokémon players? 2) do I care?
@SteveSuckington: First date: [ok, don't let her know you're a cop] Her: do you come here often? Me: *shoots unarmed black teen*
@StayNobody: What can I get you to drink? "Pepsi" Is Peps- Uh one moment please [In kitchen, to manager] I don't know, he just said Pepsi. What do I do?