@treydayway: The Bible would be more believable if Adam was tempted by a slice of pizza instead.
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@DanMentos: *guy struggling to pick his teeth with a toothpick* Narrator: Don't you wish there were a better way? -commercial for business cards
@badbanana: If the shoe fits, wear it. And if these shoes belong to someone else, walk away briskly.
@daemonic3: [shark tank] "Hi, what's your product idea?" Product? [holding bucket of live fish] I'm here to see the tank of sh-... I've made a mistake
@BlackCheesePie: this is your brain *points to egg* but this is your brain ON DRUGS *puts egg on pile of drugs*