@WoodyLuvsCoffee: The bigger issue about the Hobby Lobby decision is the fact that people working in a craft store are getting laid more than I am.
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@ShutUpThatsWho: [CPR dummy coming home from work] WIFE: is that lipstick on your face? who’s been *does the air quotes gesture* ‘resuscitating’ you today huh? DUMMY: for the last time Carol it’s my job
@panmidwest: Ok, all you people who adopt dogs and put "who rescued who?" stickers on your car... you drive me crazy! Clearly it's "who rescued whom?"
@ASmallFiction: "I challenge you to a duel!" "Very well. The weapon?" "Compliments." "A capital choice." "Thank you, I- oh! I see you've dueled before!"
@bombsydoll: Problem: I hate peeing alone, sleeping, & nobody talks to me about random nonsense Solution: kids