@E_lok44: The biggest problem with prison is that you can only rearrange your cell in so many ways because of where the toilet is.
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@CourtRundell: Dear dinosaur naming people, Parasaurolophus and Elasmosaurus could've been named Frank and Joe. Sincerely, The parents of small children
@EJGomez: [introducing you to my family] "this is my son Carson, my daughter Boatdaughter, & our dog Motorcyclepet"
@jazmasta: [i walk in with broken ribs and face bleeding] yeah but you should see the other guy! [cut to: horse just chilling in a field enjoying life]
@RoastedPapad: *Buys new iPhone* *Crosses road tweeting about it* *Accident* *Dies* *Makes entry in heaven* - Sent via iPhone.