@omgthatspunny: The Black Death was the best disease. Any attempts to replicate it are just plague-iarism.
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@E_Ville13: Nobody suspects that you're digging a grave when you're always working on your landscape.
@Schmoodles: Someone at work asked if I'd listened to any good books lately, and now I've got a body to dispose of. :(
@sarcasticmommy4: *12 pulls a gray hair out of my head* M: Wow, look at that! 12: Hang on. There's A LOT more! M: 12: Can I get paid for pulling these out?
@Playing_Dad: [Walking around park with kid] Daughter: Daddy, why is grass green? Me: Because God wants to remind me I have no money everywhere