@Mickey_McCauley: "The book was way better" - hobo trying to burn a DVD for warmth
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@jrza84: I honestly have allergies and dry skin this time of year, but it never looks good for a dude to have tissues & lotion on his desk.
@TheresNoGodzila: Me: So what do you do? Date: I work with animals Me: *imagining an office ran entirely by golden retrievers in suits* Your job sounds fun
@WheelTod: I hate it when you're about to sacrifice a baby, and you notice one of the other satanists is wearing the same robes.
@KKAlThani: Probably the worst time to ask "shouldn't we go on a date first?" is after getting handcuffed by a police officer.