@UGotMeRight: The boss said I need to be more of a team player, so I rounded up all my coworkers & we kicked his ass.
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@Manali_Shetye5: Top 3 situations that require witnesses: 1) Crimes 2) Accidents 3) Marriages Need I say more?
@mattZillaaaa: A great way to get a cw to stop talking to you permanently is to start clipping your toenails in the middle of their story
@Vice_Queen: [Me flirting with a twenty something] Him: When last did you get lit? Me: This morning. It was really sunny so I was well illuminated.