@UGotMeRight: The boss said I need to be more of a team player, so I rounded up all my coworkers & we kicked his ass.
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@EBenita0517: You didn't question the free nachos or the ride in the van. But now that I've got a knife to your throat you're all "why, why?"
@Phook75: I've spent the better part of my marriage battling to get these two strings inside my wife's shirt to actually stay on this hanger
@Playing_Dad: Major Tom: This is Major Tom to Ground Control I'm stepping through the door & I'm floating in a most peculiar way GC: New phone. Who dis?
@BlindChow: [mailman delivering package to hospital] DOCTOR: ah, just what the doctor ordered MAILMAN: please stop saying that