@Cheeseboy22: The bright side of getting attacked by a Cyclops is only having to use half the pepper spray.
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@JeannieG40: Relationship status: Sitting in Home Depot parking lot, car hood open, and asking men if they can jump me.
@AngelaEhh: It's that time of year again, to reflect and remember how much I love my tax deductions. Kids... I meant my kids.
@abbycohenwl: *pulls motorist over* COP: Are you high? MAN: If I were high would you look like a breathing tree? *one leaf silently falls from cop*
@3sunzzz: Fun Fact: If you answer your phone, "Christ speaking", 70% of the callers will hang up on you. You're welcome.