@LoriLuvsShoes: My new juice cleanse is called Vodka with a side of Tonic
@oldmanweldon: UNITED EMPLOYEE: Beat this guy up so we can take the thing he paid for.
LITERALLY THE POLICE: Okay
@LetMeStart: 8yo, as I read her a fairy tale at bedtime: WOW your chin is hairy.
Me: ...so the witch threw the overly-observant kid in the oven. The End.
@ewfeez: Start reading to your kids as early as possible. I start around 2:30 a.m.
@Scdavis24: My mom always says "Alcohol is your enemy!"
Jesus says, "Thou shalt love thy enemy."
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