@Cheeseboy22: The bright side of getting attacked by a Cyclops is only having to use half the pepper spray.
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@oldmanweldon: UNITED EMPLOYEE: Beat this guy up so we can take the thing he paid for. LITERALLY THE POLICE: Okay
@LetMeStart: 8yo, as I read her a fairy tale at bedtime: WOW your chin is hairy. Me: ...so the witch threw the overly-observant kid in the oven. The End.