@shariv67: The bright side of global warming is that 100% of our great grandchildren will own beachfront property.
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@KingsnorthAP: Starbucks, where 11 members of staff frantically do things behind the counter, yet not one of these things appears to resemble a hot drink
@amazymay72x: Husband: I'll unload the dishwasher for you, honey. Me: No rush. 3 days later.......regrets saying no rush.
@AndyAsAdjective: [watching The Avengers] 7YR OLD: daddy, why does Hulk get so angry? ME: probably because his kid won't stop asking questions during movies
@Brianhopecomedy: Glad the lady in front of me decided at the last second to stop at the yellow light as I prefer to eat my fries from the dashboard.