@Ristolable: The British are coming! Get ready! Oh wait they're coming by boat. We have like three months
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@samalmightysam: The movie ''Finding Nemo'' would've lasted only 5 minutes if his mother would've looked for him.
@KentWGraham: I don’t think this bowl of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups on my desk is making me as indispensable to the workplace as I had hoped.
@JessObsess: ME AS A MARRIAGE COUNSELOR: I signed you both up for Tinder *1 week later ME: You still want a divorce? THEM: OMG NO THAT WAS HORRIFYING