@omgthatspunny: The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
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@Snarfernini: He said we needed to talk so I screamed 'Who are you & what are you doing in my house?' Long story short, it was his house & his wife is mad
@alldrolledup: One of my favorite things about kids is that you only have to feed them once a week
@heatherlou_: If you're moving to a new house for a "fresh start," congratulations your new house is haunted.