@shegotagronk: The camera adds 10 pounds. The front facing iPhone camera adds 437 pounds.
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@kellyoxford: "The only way I'd go to a Justin Bieber concert, is if it was a Jay-Z concert" - my 9 yr old daughter
@internetluke: [sees a zebra for the first time] What's up with that horse? [sees a giraffe for the first time] Okay, what the hell is going on today?
@UnFitz: I give everyone nicknames because using real names is for people who can remember people's names.
@daemonic3: Girlfriend: Are you ready to be a dad? "I don't know, how would I know?" GF: I'm pregnant! "Hi Pregnant, I'm... OH MY GOD I'M READY"