@shegotagronk: The camera adds 10 pounds. The front facing iPhone camera adds 437 pounds.
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@Reverend_Scott: [picks up hitchhiker] "Hope ur not a mass murderer. Haha" Actually I am. "WHAT" APRIL FOOLS! "Whew" I'm technically a serial killer.
@DurtMcHurtt: I bet the worst part about being a birthday cake is when you're set on fire, and then eaten by the hero that saved you.
@Dutch_50: A co-worker is retiring, so they're passing a card around filled with cash. I only took $10 but normally my signature is worth much more.
@GianDoh: Freak out your neighbors by removing one member of their stick figure decal family each night.