@FilthyRichmond: The cashier at McDonald's was more than happy to warm up some Diet Coke for my baby's bottle.
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@ParanoidParker: When you're in the shower, and you hear loud thumps and you think "THEY'RE KILLING MY FAMILY, AND I'LL HAVE TO FIGHT THE ATTACKER NAKED"
@DannyMcH2O: Me: What's the capital of Ohio? Son: ... Me: It's also a famous explorer. Son: Dora? Me: Yep. Dora, Ohio.
@edfoxcomedy: "Doctor: Put the IV in. Nurse: The 4 what?" - chronic problem in Roman emergency rooms
@AaronFullerton: Doctor: "I'm sorry, sir, but you have an STD. I suggest you make a list of all your partners--" Lou Bega: "Way ahead of you."