@briangaar: The cashier at the grocery store just gave me an "I'm cooler than you" look. Dude I will fight you with this baby strapped to me
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@ItsAndyRyan: HOT SINGLES IN YOUR AREA VALUE YOUR FRIENDSHIP TOO MUCH TO RUIN IT WITH SEX. SURE, YOU'RE ATTRACTIVE, THEY JUST DON'T SEE YOU IN THAT WAY
@shkeeber: Mom: Why are you eating my flowers? Me: I'm gonna be young FOREVER! Mom: How? Me: Duh, from the stem cells. Mom: I'm worried about you.
@teacup_giraffe: I walked into the bar sober with $42 & walked out drunk with $42. But you're right fellas, men are smarter than women.
@jctwritesstuff: Me: I only wanted a little mayo! I can't eat this! Him: Does it matter that much? Me: Well, would you like me to stab you a little or a lot?
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