@slimmy_shady: Honest ads - 'Hot singles in your area want to be just friends'. 'Hot singles in your area think of you more like a brother'.

@sarahplegic: "Flatulence is not an emotion." -me explaining feelings to boyfriend

@jeffreyr77: Learning karate in case I'm ever attacked by cinder blocks and wood planks.

@SoVeryBritish: "Anyway it was lovely to meet you!" - Translation: Off you go!

@ramblinma: *cuts up plastic rings so no hypothetical animal will choke on them* *will not hold the elevator for a single person, ever*