@Ratchet7Don: The cashier seemed to appreciate that I bagged my own groceries until I unpacked them all and said, "That's how I want you to do it."
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@T_Bonezzz_: My sister let me borrow her newborn baby so I could meet girls at the mall. Worked great! Also, If you've found my nephew Jake, lemme know
@onion_an: [coming home from cinema] Don't let that ninja film go to your head again. *roundhouse kicks the light switch on* "I won't"
@hobo_hands: Having swords for arms was a terrible first wish but it was a genie and I blurt weird things out when I panic.