@Ratchet7Don: The cashier seemed to appreciate that I bagged my own groceries until I unpacked them all and said, "That's how I want you to do it."
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@pleatedjeans: [job interview for garbageman] interviewer: I like your enthusiasm, you're hired Three raccoons in trench coat: [ecstatic chittering]
@C_J_Commode: There is simply no need to add "NSFW" in your bio. This is twitter. None of us have jobs.
@Smooheed: My husband told me I was beautiful for the first time tonight Sure, he was drunk and using a Scooby Doo voice but I'll take it
@Thynebear: *cop approaches me* "have u seen this girl?" *holds up photo* "yeah I've seen her, NAKED" *hi-5* "haha but seriously shes in my trunk"