@Quartzjixler: The cashier wasn't impressed with my top hat, sash, and monocle until I said "Keep the change" from the $1 I gave him for my $0.95 purchase.
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@KingRainhead: I thought "ghosting" was when you slowly tricked someone you didn't like into thinking their apartment was haunted until they moved far away
@delusionaliam: Today, I saw that my ironing board cover was wrinkled. I laughed at the irony. Then I laughed again because irony has the word iron in it.
@Freudianscript: It is estimated that 1 Million people plan to gather at Times Square to watch the ball drop while looking down at their phones.
@OrangeFact: SPOILER ALERT: In the book "What to Expect When You're Expecting," it's a baby. You're expecting a baby.