@Tmoney68: "The cat spilled water. Don't worry, your coloring book's fine" isn't a thing my gf thought she'd ever say to a grown man, but here we are.
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@causticbob: My gf just sat me down and confessed to me that she used to be a Christian. It came as quite a shock; I've only ever known her as Christine
@internetluke: A modern recasting of Moses floating down a river in a wicker basket but it's a soccer mom forgetting her baby on the roof of her van.
@junejuly12: Nothing scarier than a server who takes multiple orders without writing anything down.
@MamaFlores: 5yo slooowly walks by: "Hi, mom and dad." 4yo slooowly walks by: "Hi, mom and dad." CODE RED CODE RED