@katta_IoIkatt: The cats told me the reason we only have one life is because we're too stupid to handle nine lives. I believe this is true.
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@weenbeans: *barber hands me the mirror to check the back* "Looks good!" I lie, after a few seconds of being unable to get the mirror to angle properly
@joshandbeyond: Dad: There's no use crying over spilled milk son. Me: But dad it was tequila! Dad: What!? *cries immensely*
@Wakenbake77: Accidentally walked into the women's bathroom, went ahead and peed sitting down so it wouldn't be awkward for anyone.