@jokeymcjokeface: The celebrity couple name for Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton is Clump.
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@MitchBenn: We HAVE to stop North Korea! They're led by a pampered, delusional, vengeful fat rich guy with stupid hair and access to nuclear weap- oh.
@Donna_McCoy: Just turned a corner and bumped into a woman with drawn-on eyebrows. I'm not sure which of us was more surprised.
@daemonic3: FRIEND: Women want guys who take charge ME: ok [later] WAITER: [to date] Ready to- ME: [shoves waiter and grabs notepad] Ready to order?