@kelkulus: The Church of England rejected female bishops. How can women's rights expect to move forward if they're not even allowed to move diagonally?
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@Rollmaninoz: *coworker drinks coffee I made them* Me: I poisoned your coffee… Coworker: WHAT? Me:…with love! Coworker: oh haha me: The love for murder
@UncleDuke1969: "Daddy, are vampires real?" "No, sweetie. Go back to bed." *waits until daughter is asleep* *grabs red Sharpie* *draws 2 dots on her neck*
@dragnut: Per Wikipedia, there are two kinds of scorpions. One can sting and kill you like a spider, the other can sing and rock you like a hurricane
@T_Bonezzz: My girlfriend said she wants me to make her feel like shes the only girl in the world. So i'm gonna drop her off in the desert and leave