@Hobo_Splendido: The Church used to teach that all babies that die go to Limbo, but it was easy for them because they're so short.
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@McKnightyBoo: My 17yo pretends he doesn't understand how the washer works when I ask him to do the laundry Congrats, you're finally a man
@mommy_cusses: When one door opens, another one opens, and then another, and another. Because kids.
@bea_ker: [date slides her top down her shoulder to show me a scar] I got this surfing [I show her my grotesque balls] I was born like this I think
@PinkCamoTO: Pac Man is my favourite video game about my life. It keeps getting harder and I can't stop eating everything in sight.