@HomeProbably: The circus serves as a great analogy for marriage. You're either walking the tightrope or holding a chair because you told her to calm down.
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@ArfMeasures: WIFE:Someone's broken in ME *grabs baseball bat*Wait here [downstairs] PAL:Can't u just tell her u wanna play baseball M: Keep ur voice down
@MUMSIEesq: Pro Tip: Do not let your kids push that red button in the elevator. The fire department will NOT think its adorable.
@robo_junkie: I want to get arrested by a motorcycle cop just so I can hold him tenderly around the waist on my way to jail.
@KngHnryVIII: When children, who are hoping for your death so one of them can claim your throne, bring you brekkie in bed, don't eat it. #FathersDay