@markydoodoo: The closest I get to exercising is when I trip on the sidewalk and pretend jog for like 10 feet.
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@StellaGMaddox: According to the 2nd law of thermodynamics, when parents relax, children must increase the amount of disorder in the universe to compensate.
@Pro_Jones_: *Listening to red hot chili peppers* Me: You call that music? I can't even hear anything! Worker: Sir, stop putting produce to your ear.
@maurex23: "I like Trump because he isn't a politician." Right, because whenever my toilet breaks I call my electrician.
@T_Bonezzz_: Her Parents: Tell us how u two love birds met Me: We were in a tweet contest & was added to a DM room & then I gave her a fake trophy HP: ..