@markydoodoo: The closest I get to exercising is when I trip on the sidewalk and pretend jog for like 10 feet.
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@dubstep4dads: Me: sorry I rode a giraffe to your grandmas funeral Friend: what? that's not a giraffe Me: sorry I'm on drugs at your grandmas funeral
@SaeedFaridzadeh: No, I don't have time to read the article. Just show me an image, and misguided headline, with the promise of making me angry.
@FakeDeanAccount: I like to reinvent myself every year, last year I was a small Italian woman and the year before that a bear.
@rolldiggity: "Any minute now. Any minute..." -Lincoln Logs, waiting for a phone call from Hollywood