@lizetagge: The closest I've been to murder is holding my choco-chip cookie under the milk until the bubbles stop...
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@Neauxpe: Don't hate me because I'm beautiful, hate me because you were the only car in the lot and I parked so close you couldn't open your door.
@TheAlexNevil: Pro Tip: don't fall asleep during the middle of an argument with your spouse over whether or not you pay attention to her.
@pinupteacher: ME: What tattoo should I get? TATTOO ARTIST: Something meaningful that represents love and connection. ME: One ravioli on my thigh please.