@Diane_7A: The closest I've come to being an athlete is using Adobe Acrobat.
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@Bob_Janke: Mom there's a boogie man in my closet! *mom looks and I'm standing there with an afro in a satin shirt and platform shoes
@Bandersnaaatch: On autopsy, instead of pumping my stomach to determine what I've eaten in the past 24 hours, a coroner need only look down my cleavage.
@SaraESpivey: My boss just farted. I asked him if he was trying to get the condom out. He's mad now.
@ChaseLori: Only people who've walked into a sliding glass door can laugh when a bird crashes into a window. Everyone else who does it is a racist.