@Diane_7A: The closest I've come to being an athlete is using Adobe Acrobat.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@RamblingMachine: If I had a dollar for every time I fell for a tweeter instead of a real person, I could pay for the psychiatric help I obviously need.
@LizHackett: There are approximately 45 seconds between "I'll make us an omelet" and "We're having scrambled eggs."
@ayyyyloser: Someone just called for cleanup in the dairy aisle but I'm the only one here so I dropped the jug of milk I was holding and ran
@BadJordon: [Arby's] BRO [jumping into car]: GO ME: it's lunch, not a bank heist B: they put EXTRA CURLY FRIES in the bag M: OMG I'm too pretty for jail