@SoulYodeler: The clowns I hire always seem surprised to find I'm the only party guest.
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@weinerdog4life: Justin Beiber has 23 million followers and I just got unfollowed by a horse magazine.
@InternetHippo: [meeting her parents] GF (whispering): Please don't make a scene ME (angry-whispering): You told me there'd be cheese
@_Mo_lee_: Guy:Hey what are you doing? Girl:unzipping it Guy:why? Girl:I want to see how big it is. .. *Unzips tent and gets inside* Girl:nice, nice..