@omgthatspunny: The comedian stopped at the fabric store on his way to a comedy gig. He was looking for new material.
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@causticbob: Q: Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? A: Because it's too hard to put them on the bottom! #HappyBirthdayBob
@SaraMansford: The only way I'd be scared of a ghost is if one was coming at me wearing a fitted sheet that I thought I'd have to eventually fold.
@showersthinker: Watching Jeopardy backwards would be about a panel of 3 people asking Alex Trebek questions that he always gets right.
@WilliamAder: To me, the worst part of the prostate exam is when the doctor says, "Guess how many fingers."