@HatfieldAnne: The concept of a sister wife doesn’t bother me so much as the fact there’d be one more person in my damn way this morning.
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@rohmontgomery: I am upset with my parents for making me exist. u just decided to make a person one day? who's gonna pay my bills? me? I didn't ask for this
@XplodingUnicorn: My wife said she wanted to do it missionary style, so I forced her to change religions and gave her smallpox.
@jake_lach: Lady pulled away with the gas pump still in her car and I was like OMG who's your dealer?