@kyry5: The Constitution has barely been altered in 200 years, but my $300 textbook is worth $0.82 bc they came out with a new edition mid-semester.
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@BoscoPorter: Cashier: "Would you like to donate to charity today or are you a giant piece of shit?"
@3sunzzz: I find it odd that when someone dies we refer to them as late, my late Aunt Polly. Aunt Polly isn't late, she's not coming.
@Shock_Monster: NASA is planning to lasso an asteroid and bring it to the moon? I was unaware NASA had hired Wile E. Coyote to plan their missions.
@BoomBoomBetty: If you see me in the baby section at the store, there’s no bun in the oven. Just a cat at home that clearly needs a onesie.