@robdelaney: The contents of my son's last diaper was so upsetting to both of us we shared a cigarette after I changed it.
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@o__0Dev: Are you watching too much T.V but not doing enough reading? Turn your subtitles on. Boom, problem solved!
@hell_homer: This is your brain: [hippo standing in a field] This is your brain on twitter: [100s of people surround the hippo patting it rhythmically]
@pizza_dragon: Pony: "I love hay so much I-" Dad: "Why don't you marry it, ya big nerd?" *pony grows up* *becomes Horse Emperor* *legalizes hay marriage*
@LnL245: Fixing my grandma's computer and I see that her search history is about seven various spellings of the name of the last guy I dated.