@robdelaney: The contents of my son's last diaper was so upsetting to both of us we shared a cigarette after I changed it.
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@WilliamAder: Auto correct changed "mingle" to "mangle," and now I've been uninvited to a Superbowl party.
@bananagrvyrd: So apparently you're supposed to change the lint filter in the dryer more than once a year firemen are hot
@KeetPotato: [petting friend's new guidedog] so how did you get here? "he brought me" wow [later in bed w/ wife] did you know dave's dog can drive a car?