@elle91: The cool thing about robbing a library is that you have two weeks before they notice.
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@KentWGraham: My wife tried imitating the weird groaning sound her car is making, and all three auto mechanics asked her out.
@Sarcasticsapien: Most Trump supporters favorite Disney character is the hunter who shot Bambi's mom and we all know it.
@Elifcello: Every so often I Google my name hoping someone stole my identity and made a better something out of myself.
@Bownuggets: Some say I've "gone off the rails," or "left the reservation," or "screwed the pooch," or "mixed my metaphors," or "launched the hot dog"