@elle91: The cool thing about robbing a library is that you have two weeks before they notice.
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@SeinfeldToday: George refuses to date a woman when he sees her on 2 different dating apps. G:”It’s too desperate.” J:”How’d you find out?” G:”I’m on both."
@cervixsmash: I like my women with curves. Lots and lots of curves. In a sort of spiral shape, maybe with ketchup. Curly fries. I like curly fries
@XplodingUnicorn: Someone cut my 6-year-old's hair She says she didn't do it Be on the lookout for a mysterious hair-cutting bandit who looks just like her