@daemonic3: The coolest thing about dating Mystique from the X-men is the unlimited free food samples she can get for you at Costco.
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@jazmasta: By DAY he's just a regular accountant. But at NIGHT he becomes a trash ravaging raccoon... "Raccountant".. Coming this fall on Fox
@bridger_w: If I'm busy and see an interesting article, I open it in a new tab, read the first paragraph, and later, when I have time, close the tab
@_The_Man__: I replaced the glass in my bathroom windows so the tree outside can see exactly what I do with toilet paper. You know what paper is? I yell
@joejwest: ME: I think we're being followed DATE: Really? M: [checks rear-view mirror] Yep D: Wait you carry that around with you? M: Just keep walking