@daemonic3: The coolest thing about dating Mystique from the X-men is the unlimited free food samples she can get for you at Costco.
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@Fred_Delicious: [At work] "guys check this out" [Tries to do the fake walking downstairs thing but gets it wrong & walks up into the air] "Holy shit help"
@OfficeofSteve: Me: The dogs ears are so soft! Wife: I know! Me: I want to make a pillow out of them Wife: ..... Me: Not now obviously, like, when he dies
@heatherlou_: I was looking at my phone and tripped over the dog and we're both laying in the floor looking at my phone.