@pdxjohnny99: The coolest thing about the last Hobbit movie was knowing it was the last Hobbit movie.
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@KimMonte10: Starbucks job interview: "What's your name?" "Alyssa" "Spell that please" "L A R I S S A" "When can you start?"
@TheAlexNevil: 5: I want to learn drums. Me: Ok, but you have to walk them, feed them, and pick up their poop. *confused, 5 walks away I am the master.
@MarkAFuqua_Hunt: Want to get your kids attention and make sure they hear what you say? Start whispering something to your spouse.
@Pundamentalism: My girlfriend was devastated to find out that my mates call me ‘The Love Machine’ because I’m terrible at tennis.