@Tbone7219: The cops just showed up at work & all the workers that have been in trouble before fled. At least that's what I can see from under my desk.
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@girlontapas: Love it when I see the sign: “You must have been born before 1999 to buy tobacco products.” My oldest bra can smoke now.
@delusions_of: Leonardo DiCaprio keeps breaking into my dreams trying to sell me life insurance.
@SkinnerSteven: [street] ME: "What if I park here?" PARKING OFFICER: *writing a ticket* "Fine by me"