@weinerdog4life: The cops said 911 was for emegencies only and not for me to report suspicious looking clouds.
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@215potter: My neighbor's facebook movie is just a montage of me caught on surveillance video, stealing his newspaper every morning.
@tlcprincess: Man reading a book: hot Man with a baby: hot Man reading a book to a baby: hold me back my ovaries have exploded.
@CuddleYourCat: If you piss me off bad enough and tell me to leave you alone, I will take 30 Adderall and send you cat pictures every 3 minutes for 6 days.