@DurtMcHurtt: The crack of dawn is probably just as good as the crack you get at midnight.
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@Brianhopecomedy: "Daddy, I-" *presses button for soundproof backseat divider Wife: "HOW MUCH DID-" *presses button for soundproof passenger seat divider
@Parentpains: Avoid confrontations in the work place by slashing your coworker's tires while they sleep.
@krisv_723: I was arrested last Halloween. Apparently it's illegal to chase someone yelling, Touch me! Even if they are dressed as the Grim Reaper.
@SortaBad: You say tomato. I say tomato. Our eyes meet. We've decided on the perfect name for our baby