@sbellelauren: the craziest thing about today's story where a bear attacked a 12 year old girl jogging in her neighborhood is WHY IS A 12 YEAR OLD JOGGING
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@KalvinMacleod: [Christmas] 6:30—kids are excited 7:30—kids are playing 8:00—kids are fighting 9:00—kids are crying 9:15—wife is yelling 9:30—I am drinking
@awescar: If you want to hide a gift for your husband, just put it in the pantry with one thing in front of it.
@Brianhopecomedy: I'm watching my 4 year old son give my 1 year old a hammer. He is so irresponsible.
@BroIsMeeeee: Ladies call me the mitochondria because they kinda remember me from high school and i'm in a cell