@Shock_Monster: The cruelest part of the movie Bambi?nnnnHis mom named him "Bambi." nnShe deserved what she got for that.
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@matt___nelson: *pretends to get an urgent text so I can turn around after I notice I'm walking in the wrong direction*
@daemonic3: [1st date] HER: I love autumn, it's my favorite season ME: [trying to impress] Yes, I love the way the leaves just... autumn off the trees
@iAmDelFreaky: I was practicing moves on a stripper pole, when all of a sudden I heard a loud ringing. Then 3 firemen fell from the sky and crushed me.
@audipenny: Oh no I got so excited that you texted me that I accidentally replied 11 thousand times and then swung into your house on a rope