@CatsVsHumanity: The dentist gives me toothpaste when I leave. Step up your game gynecologist.
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@smilely_gal: 7 has started saying "your life just got better," whenever he enters the room; humility is not this kid's strong-suit.
@IAmMikeFeeney: The first thing I'm going to do when I'm rich is buy an airline flight for everyone who works at the DMV and then delay the flight forever.
@VeryRudeTweets: I just got kicked out of my local Laser Tag and the police were called. Apparently stabbing somebody to save ammo is not allowed.
@PULPKetchup: First they came for the Fight Club members, but I said nothing, because...you know...rules.