@gavinpivott: The detective knew exactly what the murder weapon was. It was a brief case.
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@Fred_Delicious: "HONEY, ITS THE BANK. SOMEBODY USED YOUR CARD TO BUY A HUMAN HAMSTER WHEEL??" Me [from basement, out of breath] "what"
@SlabBaconBP: I hate when I accidentally say "I love you" instead of "I'm biologically driven to want to reproduce with you & I'm temporarily delusional"
@brendohare: My girlfriend does not want to split the gallon of milk I smuggled into the movie theater for us 😔