@BromanConsul: the devil has a tape recorder containing the sounds you made when you sang aloud with a group but didn't actually know the words
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@dubstep4dads: other 21 year olds: going on dates, bein cool, having fun me: trying to become friends w/ the birds outside my house by offering them bread
@aka_fatman: [birdwatching] Ah, let us behold the majesty of the Bald eagle. And let us acknowledge the social awkwardness of the Combover eagle.
@TheCatWhisprer: I love October because it signals the change from eating tacos outside season to eating tacos inside season.
@Tw1tter_K1tten: Febreze commercial: "Now we remove her blindfold and..." *has panic attack, stabs camera man, vomits, jumps out closed window*