@kumailn: The Devil has his own Bible. He's releasing it slowly in internet comment threads all across the web.
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@santhonythomas: I finally figured out what flies and mosquitoes are for. They're gods way of making us slap ourselves.
@_wendyb07: Just some repair guys and me at work right now. If a pizza delivery guy and a director show up, I'm leaving.
@HabeasDorkis: I don't wear sunglasses because it's unfair that a photon travels 93 million miles and then when it's an inch from my eye I'm all "um, no."
@MoneypennyNaked: Married girls are so lucky. They can post anything they want on here because they already tricked some dumb guy into marrying them.