@TheWhaleFacts: The difference between cars and whales is that whales can swim and cars can't.
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@Midgetspar: If I was a police sketch artist I wouldn't listen to the victim. I'd draw a majestic gay dragon then flip it over and be all, "Is this him."
@TheCatWhisprer: It’s always good to tell people to “stay safe” during a distaster just in case they didn’t know.
@bholejuice: When my wife picks a restaraunt that I don't like, I just say "oh yeah, that's where that really cute girl works". Problem solved.