@avxlanche: the difference between me and humpty dumpty is that his friends looked at him and thought to themselves "we should put him back together"
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@MaryKoCo: If you put dry teabags in shoes they absorb the odor. So your shoes smell good but the tea tastes so bad it's almost not worth it
@Anon_o_Mom: My husband accidentally texted mewting instead of meeting. Now I can't stop picturing a bunch of kittens in a conference room.
@TheAlexNevil: "The rules are quite simple, Mr Bond: I think of a word, you guess letters in that word. If you guess wrong I draw a picture a man hanging."
@internetluke: Boss: we're going to our cabin on the lake this weekend Coworker: you guys have a cabin ON the lake? Boss: Ya? Coworker: must be wet hahaha