@samalmightysam: The difference between pizza and love is that when the pizza ends it doesn't send you subtweets.
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@robfee: Worst things the parents do on Home Alone: 3. Never punish Buzz 2. Forget one of their kids 1. Try to make everyone drink milk with pizza
@StellaRtwot: I never make my guests take their shoes off at the door because it takes them longer to get out when I want them to leave.
@SodomyClown: If you're going to boast non stop about your pregnancy at least give birth to something fun like a puppy, a bouncy castle or a bag of weed.
@Henry_3k: My therapy group is a joke. The doctor is supposed to match you with people you have something in common with but everyone here is nuts.