@samalmightysam: The difference between pizza and love is that when the pizza ends it doesn't send you subtweets.
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@Token_Geezer: When I'm in a room full of toddlers, I can't help but scan it for potential serial killers
@_ElvishPresley_: Guardians of the Galaxy was pretty good, I just wish they did a better job explaining which character was Groot
@RobElliottComic: When I order delivery online and there's a "Notes" box I put "Ring bell, Cross moat, SLAY DRAGON" *Puts on dragon costume *Waits in bushes
@tigermcleash: Daddy? Yeah, Bud Can you scour the house looking EVERYWHERE for something I'm poorly describing that you've never seen or heard of before?