@samalmightysam: The difference between pizza and love is that when the pizza ends it doesn't send you subtweets.
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@SirEviscerate: *sees melted chocolate swirling in tv ad* ooooh yeah *raisins fall into the chocolate in slo mo* nooooo *punches hole in wall*
@Reverend_Scott: [several months ago] BEYONCÉ: Kim Kardashian might be having a 3RD baby JAY-Z: How many we got BEYONCÉ: One JAY-Z: Not a problem
@Marlebean: Being iced in for 2 days gave me the opportunity to get so much housework done! I didn't do any of it. But I certainly had the opportunity.
@TheCatWhisprer: If you thought you had a rough night, my toddler couldn't wear an oven mitt to bed.