@SCbchbum: The directions on every jar of anti-aging cream should read: “Apply liberally to face & neck 20 years ago.”
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@Jandalize: Horrifically awaiting the day all the shampoo bottles in my shower decide to squeeze me back.
@ItsAndyRyan: Me: How long have we had that pillow? Wife: No idea Memory foam pillow: Two years, five months and two days
@Reverend_Scott: DOG 911: what's your emer- DOG: MY HUMAN SAID "WALK" WHILE TALKING DOG 911: so? DOG: WE NEVER WENT FOR A WALK DOG 911: OMG DOG: OMG