@SCbchbum: The directions on every jar of anti-aging cream should read: “Apply liberally to face & neck 20 years ago.”
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@mjkspeaks: God, grant me the serenity to accept this stolen property, the courage to sell it on eBay, and the wisdom to not get caught.
@tigersgoroooar: Me: I love you Him: you just drank 1/4 of your beer through your nostril Me: that is also true
@LoveNLunchmeat: You could murder someone in California and they wouldn't even arrest you as long as you properly composted the body.
@juliussharpe: I used to see people alone at restaurants and feel bad for them. Now I'm with a screaming two year old wondering, "Who is that solo genius?"