@sbellelauren: the divorce rate among my socks is astonishing
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@ericsshadow: [phone rings in 1984] "Eric get the phone" Hello? "Tell em I'm not home." She's not home. "Ask who it is." My mom wants to know who this is.
@MAKJ: Me: I’m going to be healthy Breakfast: fruit Lunch: sandwich Dinner: salad Midnight: large pizza, mac & cheese, a gallon of ice cream
@jwoodham: If someone approaches you and offers you a Black Eyed Peas album, remain calm. You have just encountered a member of the Black Eyed Peas.