@Swishergirl24: The divorce rate is almost at 60%. How does Cupid keep his job with that level of failure?
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@ericsshadow: ME: have you seen my keys? WIFE: check your pockets ME: nope [phone rings] ME: hello? CIA: check your other pocket
@DanOverHere: My boss asked me for a brief word. I said "underpants?" and we laughed and laughed and I'm clearing out my desk.
@bridger_w: I caught my insane ex going through my garbage, but I guess that's what I get for dating a raccoon.