@Lisa_Laughs_: The doctor said to treat my daughter's scratch with alcohol, so I kissed it.
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@daemonic3: [divorce court] ME: ...and that's why I am seeking full custody JUDGE: Again, this court does not decide custody of the "Netflix password"
@thejamietighe: In a car crash a dog would rescue you. However a cat would pour liquor over your face and testify against you in court.
@FakeDeanAccount: Q: If you could be any animal, which one would you be? A: The drummer from the Muppets, next question.